Thursday, August 02, 2001

The Evening Wander - Aug 2

Sitting on the back porch again, enjoying the night air. It's about 80F, the cricket in the back yard is chirping up a storm and the street has quieted down. At the moment, I'm fiddling with the various display settings on my laptop, trying to find a setting that won't leave me blinded. Even with setting the power savings settings to the dimmest that you can set the screen (which is pretty dim in normal lighting), it's like looking into a 60W bulb once the sun goes down (I don't have any lights on my back porch, just a city street light about half a block away). Right now, I've settled for high-contrast black and I have the accessiblity options in Windows 2000 turned on to force all applications to use those display settings. It's pretty good, but still a little bright (I'm pretty good at touch typing so I usually don't need to see the keyboard); guess I'll darken it up a little more later.

Balcony gardening 102

I'm not sure if I'll get my window boxes planted or not this summer, I guess it depends on how long it takes for the hanging brackets to come via mail-order (I ordered the ones from Gardeners.com but they say it will take a week or two to get here. I did get the 2nd terra cotta bird bath installed and filled with seed, but I don't know if the birds found the one filled with water that was out all day. I'm guessing that they'll find both dishes in the morning and hopefully they make it a habitual part of their day. I decided against any permanent mountings (because I rent) so I can rearrange all the things that will be hanging off of the railings if I don't like how it turns out.

Ford Focus ZX3 update

Still no ETA on when my car will be arriving, supposedly it's built and waiting to be shipped. The car dealer's best guess is that I'll see it sometime around August 10th to the 15th. I'm guessing that even if they build it early, the train shipment schedules are probably set up in advance and my car has to wait for it's timeslot to ship (I've heard a rumor that UPS Logistics now manages that part of Ford's business). I have everything (almost) that I'm going to attach / bolt / buckle / tape to the car, I'm just missing the car!

Relationships

I guess after breaking up with my girlfriend back in June (it was amicable and mutual), it's been long enough that I could call her and see how things are going without making it too wierd (in the multiple years that we dated, we never hit that spark, so it was like dating your best friend). I have some pictures and some other things that I need to give back to her and maybe she's found some other things of mine at her place that she wants to give back (or not). Not that we've been avoiding each other (we go to different church services now), but we haven't spoken or seen each other since we broke up. Eh, I think I'll wait until the new car comes in to give her a call (better excuse since she wanted to see my new car when it came in).

Who's this written for anyway?

I don't think that my brother has found this blog yet (otherwise he'd have signed my guestbook again (hint hint ... nudge nudge ... wink wink). I think he'd enjoy doing this type of writing as much as I do (if you've seen some of his more loquatious e-mails you'd understand); so maybe I'll have to hook him up (but only if he asks). I don't know if I care whether or not my parents would find this, doesn't really matter to me, but I'm also not one to spare anybody's sensibilities when I write (and they seem to be easily offended). I guess if they find out about it they can use it to find out what I've been up to without my having to actually go visit them (my folks and I have nothing in common anymore, no shared interests, hobbies, friends ... so there's not much to talk about other than the weather). It'll probably tickle their voyeuristic funny bone to read this (they always complain that I don't tell them anything about my life anymore). In my defense, I don't tell strangers on the street about my life either (this doesn't count because you don't know who I am); they just haven't gotten used to the fact that they're not a part of my everyday life (and haven't been for quite a few years). My past girlfriend never understood my relationship with my parents. For me it's pretty simple to explain; I like to have a few close friends that I can trust and I have difficulty trusting anyone outside of that circle with personal information about me or my life. It's paranoia that goes all the way back to middle-school and high-school where the teasing was relentless and especially painful if the teaser managed to find out some detail about my personal likes/dislikes or activities/background. It didn't help that I'm kinesthetic as well and prone to mind-reading and thinking that everyone is staring at me as I walk down the mall/hallway/street (I'm mostly past that because I'm comfortable with who I am). I don't mind being talked about, but if I tell you something in confidence or that is senstitive and you go blabbing it (doesn't matter if you were intentional or just bumbling idiot style) to people that I don't know/trust then I'm not going to continue to tell you information. Does that explain it at all, or do I sound like a stark raving mad paranoid delusional person who should be in therapy 24x7?

At least my writings have gotten more positive with age. It also helps that I know that someone, someday will read this, where my previous journals have almost never been read by anyone else (and were not intended that way). In fact, I've boxed up all of my old journals, sealed them away in a distant corner of the attic so that nobody will find them and start reading them by accident. Some topics were pretty sensitive that I wrote about, and a lot of it comes across as bitter and depressing (I tended to journal only when I was depressed). I've debated throwing them out, lock stock and barrel, but I took the middle road for now and just sealed them away where they can't be gotten at without my knowing.

Someday I might dig some of my old stuff up and post it here in the blog if I need to give background on why something is happening and why I feel a certain way about it. (Or maybe I'll just be in a really morbid mood and feel like digging up some old graves in the tombs of my memory.)

posted by Wuphon's at 9:19 PM