Thursday, August 23, 2001

The Evening Wander - Aug 23

Nothing much happening today... I had a meeting with a couple other people at the church to start reworking their website (they've lost their previous webmaster due to other engagements). So that's going to start eating into my free time.... I'm trying to be good and just be a helpful grunt instead of stepping in and running the show (those who know me know that I like a tightly run ship, at least most of the time); especially since it's not my show to run. (I got 'volunteered', but I did have veto power over my name getting dropped in the hat.) The other technical person seems pretty sharp and it will be a good way for me to learn my way around a Linux Apache web server using PHP (I come from the dark side, a.k.a. Microsoft's IIS).

I spent the evening cleaning out my car, checking under the seats, emptying the glove compartment... all in hopes that my new car will be fixed tomorrow so I can pick it up. (I will be very dissapointed if it's not ready.) I'm hoping that the fact that I didn't get a phone call today means that it's ready, not that they're keeping me in the dark again.

I can't say I can fault my brother for considering taking up smoking as a hobby, especially since I smoked for 7 years (during and after college). I will say I'd rather see him get addicted to running again, but it's not my choice to make. I originally started because I thought I was too much of a goody-two-shoes and wanted to have something in common with my best friend in college. It was a bit of an expiriment to find out what addiction was like from the inside. (Walk a mile in a man's shoes...) Now that I've successfully quit for 4 years and 4 months (I think I quit April 8th of 1997, but I'd have to check the day), I have a prettty good handle on what it took to make it stick (I tried a couple of times without success or support). My success enabled my co-worker in NY to also quit about a year later (successfully too).

Things that helped me quit were a supportive girlfriend, a very supportive close friend who is like my own private cheerleading section, the idea of trying to explain to his kids why I smoked when they got a little older. All that, and I had finally decided to quit and make it stick (did it cold turkey along with a half box of nicorette).

Sometimes I think about starting up again, mostly when I'm tired and by myself, but my cheering section is still part of my life and would drag me down to a local lake to soak my head if I started again... Now it's just an occasional reminder that I'm still a recovering smoker (I always will be) and it keeps me from passing judgement on anyone else who struggles with addictions. Since I quit, I've also come up with a few dozen things that I can do instead of starting up again that will make me feel better (such as go ride my bike and raise my fitness level). Endorphins are so much more fun than niccotene ever was...

posted by Wuphon's at 9:02 PM