Friday, August 24, 2001

Internal vs External

You'll notice that I say stuff like "I choose not too".

I used to be pretty well beaten by externals (meaning that I felt like someone else was responsible for my misery or that I couldn't quit smoking because it would be too hard). I was good at using the "blame game" to keep from making changes. (In one of my work-related seminars we were told that if you blame somebody else you've just given away your control over the issue.) So when you hear someone making excuses or blaming something else; they're making themselves helpless (victim mentality?)... which won't do one little thing to change the situation unless luck happens to go their way. That's the best way that I can describe someone who's an "external"; who let themselves be ruled by external pressures and end up like a toy boat in the open ocean being blown to and fro. Externals will get discouraged as soon as the first failure or setback occurs if they're trying to make a change (such as in weight loss).

"Internals", on the other hand, try to avoid the blame game. They may say that a situation had an impact on them, but they believe that they are responsible for how they react even if they can't change the outcome. Maybe internals have a better support network (comprised of other internals that reaffirm that setbacks are a normal part of the process)? I think "internals" are good at saying "I choose ... because..." and I think the "because" reasons are important (a tree can't stand against the storm just by saying that "it chooses"... nope, it'll stand up "because" it has firm roots that go way deep down... um, maybe not the best analogy). I'd also say that internals make plans to effect change, they choose when and how to fight the battle rather than letting it be dictated to them.

So can you be "internal" without relying on God inside? I don't see someone who relys on God on the inside to necessarily be an "external" or an "internal", but I think it makes a whole lot more sense to be an internal with divine assistance. (I can do all things through him who strengthens me.) Human nature is frail, no matter how hard you try to be a internal on your own, you'll eventually become discouraged by focusing on the times that things didn't go your way (you may bounce in and out of external/internal motivations).

I used to be the self-reliant SOB who was determined to do it all on my own. Well guess what, I ended up being "external" instead of "internal" (even though I believed that I was internal at the time). Defensiveness was the dominant trait because I only had my values to measure whether I was doing good or bad, so every time I encountered opposition I had to spend emotional capital defending my decision to myself (not to mention defending it from the attacker). My reactions to those attacks gave evidence that I was an "external" even though I was trying to be "internal". I guess that's the end result when you're trying to please those around you (you have to be external by definition in order to have even partial success).

Things are different now that I've decided that God's values are better than mine (I still screw up, often, um make that very often, like really really often...). Once I set that foundational rock back in place, deep down, I had a way to measure my decisions. An anchor point that I didn't feel that I had to defend. Now when I get attacked I don't take it personally (let God get upset since He made the rules); I can let the attack wash over me while I concentrate on why the attacker feels the need to attack me. (Before I would have focused on the attack or situation itself because of it's impact on my self-worth feelings.) Oh, you can still get me upset, but I take responsibility for being upset (I had a choice to be upset or not). So having that absolutely fixed point gives me something to hang my internal motivations on and to measure my progress with (makes it easier during the setbacks to see how much closer you are to the goal than when you started, even if you're sliding backwards at the time).

posted by Wuphon's at 6:04 AM