Friday, November 09, 2001

How to Change a Lightbulb (EQ Style)

Q: How many Warriors does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: None, Warriors aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: How many Enchanters does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Into what?

Q: How many Magicians does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Ten. One to summon a new bulb, go link dead,and log back on with their pet and summoned bulb gone. One to summon a new bulb, go link dead, and post on the boards that losing your summoned items on LD sucks. One to summon a new bulb and actually change the lantern bulb. One to shout: "I'll summon you a wisp. Use that instead. Please? Come on, Mage summons are useful, really!" One to post a new thread on the board that post-50 Fire Pets are underpowered. One to bump a thread titled "Abashi: I *demand* you tell us a Mage's role in a group". Four to shout to the zone: "Has anybody seen my pet?"

Q: How many Druids does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Lantern? How unnatural! Besides my spells don't work indoors. Come to the Druid circle and I'll conjure you a firefly globe.

Q: How many Rangers does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Ranger1 shouts: "51 Ranger looking for a group". Ranger2 shouts: "Paying well for an xp res". Ranger1 shouts: "51 Ranger looking for a group". Ranger3 says out of character: "Figures that Verant cares about issues as minor as lantern bulbs when our post-50 defense caps are so broken". Ranger1 shouts: "51 Ranger looking for a group".

Q: How many Rogues does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Hey you! Come back here with my lantern bulb!

Q: How many Clerics does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Five. One to resurrect the lantern bulb, one to reply "sorry I can't leave my group in Karnors to go rez you in Everfrost", one to reply "no I won't power level you for five hours for 10pp", one to reply "yeah like your threats of putting me on your no TP list and no SOW list scare me", and one to go anonymous to escape from the tells.

Q: How many Necromancers does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: u 5uK n3\/\/b13 rp 1 0wN j00 n dU3l mY p3T r0x 4nD 5010 w15p 4 GLS u t4k3 2 NK 4nD tR4d3 4 ph4t 13wt!

Q: How many ShadowKnights does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: None. ShadowKnights would rather sit in the dark.

Q: How many Paladins does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: One. He changes the bulb, heals and buffs you for free, says "follow the path of righteousness good sir and you too by the grace of Marr can earn a Fiery Avenger to light your way both externally and internally and won't need a lantern anymore", then says "well if Verant makes it easier to obtain our quest books that is".

Q: How many Shamen does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: /shout Trading SOW and buffs for lantern bulb at P2!

Q: How many Bards does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: What Bards?

Q: How many Monks does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Mu.

Q: How many Wizards does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Wizard begins to cast a spell.

Q: How many melee classes does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Many. One to ask for a SOW, one to ask for a TP, one to start running since neither of the former were forthcoming, one to die from a mob that spawned on top of him while running, one to ask for a rez, one to actually make it to town, one to ask for a bind, one to enter town anyway since they couldn't get the former, one to die from a NPC in town while searching for the lantern bulb vendor and get sent back to his bind point in another city, one to ask for another SOW and TP for corpse recovery, one to...

Q: How many caster classes does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Go away, I'm soloing!

Q: How many High Elves does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb, and the world spins around him.

Q: How many Dark Elves does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Don't you wish you had ultravision too like we Inkies instead of being a blind Hummie?

Q: How many Erudites does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Erudites are above manual labor. They'd order a Barbarian to do it.

Q: How many Barbarians does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Just the one. Want to make something of it?

Q: How many Humans does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: What you mean Halflings can change lantern bulbs 10% faster? Abashi, I put all this time into a Human because I thought we got the bonus! The player's guide even says we get it! I mean we put up with being blind and having one racial language, while Halflings have infravision and hide! Abashi!

Q: How many Halflings does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Halfling auctions: WTS/WTT orobe, SSOY, ravenscale, SMR, lantern bulb, GBS, crafted, CGB, BIBS, FBSS. Looking for high end Druid items.

Q: How many Ogres does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: One. But he requires a lot of lantern bulbs.*smash*

Q: How many Trolls does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: *burp*

Q: How many Dwarves does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: None. They can't reach!

Q: How many Gnomes does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: With that bald head I thought you were the lantern bulb, hee hee!

Q: How many Wood Elves does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: /petition A bunch of male characters are sending me tells saying they want to see me "change my bulbs". Make them stop!

Q: How many Iksar does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: None. Iksar are KOS to all lantern bulb vendors in the game.

Q: How many newbies does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Newbie1 tells you: "sow plz". Newbie2 tells you: "Can u spare some plat for spells?" Newbie3 tells you: "can u tp me to qeynos plz". Newbie4 tells you: "Will u give me your cobalt bp? Come on you can get another." Newbie5 tells you: "Will you come powerlevel me plz?" Newbie6 tells you: "You mean you're not going to help me? You suck!" Newbie7 tells you: "What are lantern bulbs used for?" You are now anonymous.

Q: How many uberguild members does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: We killed Silverwing and all we got was this stupid lantern bulb? Abashi, you need to look at VP drops. I mean we can get better loot in lguk!

Q: How many Abashi sock puppets does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Sorry, lantern bulbs are working as intended. Your flames are not appreciated.

Q: How many Brads does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Sorry, we consider lantern bulbs balanced.

Q: How many Verant customer service representatives does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: The lantern bulb here is working. It must be your ISP.

Q: How many Verant testers does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Huh? The light's out?

Q: How many GM's does it take to change a lantern bulb?
A: Hello! GM foobar here. I'm sorry, I didn't see the lantern bulb burn out so can't help you. You have received a warning on your account. If you don't stop harassing me you will be banned. Have a nice day!

My apologies to whoever wrote this, I found it without any copyright, so if you find a copyright, please e-mail me.

posted by Wuphon's Reach at 3:11 PM

Sunday, November 04, 2001

EverQuest - the death wish gang gets it's wish

Last night was very educational, especially when it comes to 'you have zero chance against a mob that is 10+ levels above you'. My brother and I were cleaning out minotaur slavers in their cave in Steamfont when the Minotaur Lord popped at one of the slaver placeholders (spawn points). Now, we have no trouble taking on the slavers, they're only lvl 9-13 or something like that, but a Minotaur Lord is a level 28-31 and lower level players then have to convince an upper level player to come kill the Minotaur Lord so we can go on our happy way killing the slavers for experience.

Unfortunately, there were no high level players in the zone willing to come and take care of the nasty beast (actually Allan a upper level druid was there but was staying out of local business, I think he was doing ports to the druid ring). Basically I was the next biggest in the zone, a pair of level 14 players (my brother and Kondessa a gnome warrior) and a few level 11s then a bunch of players under level 5. Kondessa got the bright idea of trying to overwhelm it with multiple lower players to see if we could take it out. Well, pretty soon we had 4 fools pacing out front of the caves or getting their binds updated while we discussed strategy and tried to recruit additional help. A level 22 just laughed at us when he zoned in and heard our planning, but didn't stick around to help.

About this point, we're thinking 'we're going to die in this encounter, no question' but it really wasn't bothering any of us (it was late and there was honor involved at this point). Sorta like those warriors in the 5th Element with their line 'for the honor' just when they decide to blow the ship up. It was quickly decided that we would roll a die for a chance to loot the corpse if we took the minotaur lord down (or got a higher level player to come help us take it down). My brother quickly named us the 'death wish group'. I figured I'd fight until me and my pet were the last one standing, then gate before it finished chewing through my pet. (Casters are usually the last to die because they stand away from the mobs.)

I managed to sign on a level 37 druid (Allan) who had never seen the mino lord and was curious (and our chances went up tremendously because Allan should be able to take the mino lord himself if things started to go bad). So we're standing around waiting for the druid to show up (he's KoS by the guards in Steamfont, so he has to be really careful, and he still managed to get zapped). All of us are playing and practicing their emotes...

Rekage prays to Brell Serillis for strength and endurance in the coming battle . again.
Kondessa gets all excited.
Kondessa hopes she doesn't die again.
Vorish wonders where the druid got to.
Kondessa hopes that she can do some good damage.
Kondessa sings the coming battle song.
Vorish plays with magic dice to pass the time.
[we were going to either draw lots to see who would be the puller or get a volunteer, Kondessa volunteered]
Vorish looks relieved at not having to be mino lord bait.
Qpdaj moons the mino lord.
Kondessa bucks up and prepares to become minotaur bait.
Qpdaj twiddles his thumbs.
Kondessa runs on the spot and does jumping jacks.
Qpdaj sprinkles salt & pepper on Kondessa.
Vorish wonders if Kondessa will enjoy the after life.
Kondessa sneezes.
Kondessa has died about 5 times today already.
Kondessa stands on her tip toes and does a dance of joy!
Kondessa cries.
Qpdaj rolls on the group in laughter.
Rekage flips open the Praying for Dummies book and turns to the section: what to do when you may die soon?
Kondessa knows that the only thing you can do is get a good 50+ character to help you get your bloody corpse back.
You tell your party, 'I can cast invis and sneak back in for the corpse run'
Kondessa tells the group, 'Woo''
Qpdaj tells the group, 'Ah, handy. I thought I might be better off going in naked'
Qpdaj tells the group, 'You know, scare factor'
Kondessa hopes she doesn't have to get naked .
Rekage snores slightly.
Qpdaj grabs hold of Vorish and begins to dance with him.
Qpdaj grabs hold of Xebn and begins to dance with it.
Rekage grabs hold of Xebn and begins to dance with it.
Qpdaj grows jealous.
Qpdaj grabs hold of Xebn and begins to dance with it.
Rekage pets the mighty mage's pet.
Qpdaj feeds the nice pet a snack.
Qpdaj wonders whether Xebn will fetch a stick.
Rekage throws a stick. and watchesas Xebn just sits there .
Vorish wishes his pet were smart enough to play fetch.
[Kondessa sweet talked the high level mage, Combo, into joining us at this point.]
Vorish is happy Combo showed up.
Kondessa cheers at Combo.
Qpdaj thinks combo's pet could beat up Vorish's pet.
Kondessa thinks that both pets are cool.
Rekage thinks that Kaser can play fetch but is too afraid to try
Vorish understands the frustration of green pets [it took me 6 trys to get even a almost-black con pet for this battle]
You say, 'Kondessa is our designated bait, um, puller'
Combo says, 'Heh'
Kondessa says, 'Haha , bait '
Kondessa knows that she is bait.
Qpdaj says, 'We've already seasoned her so the mino lord will find her tasty'

Finally around 20 after 1am we got everyone ready, Combo cast a damage shield on the melee group (a very nice DS that does 29pts at a shot) and Kondessa ran into the tunnel to pull anything she could find (there's always a slaver that pops on the way to the Minotaur Lord's spot). We made short work of the slaver and immediatley pulled the Minotaur Lord out into the open. Kondessa hit for 13 max, my pet was hitting in the low-teens, but all of my 92hp spells were completely resisted, and I'm not sure that Qpdaj or Rekage landed any blows at all (Qpdaj was basically a meat shield, taking 62 pt blows from the Minotaur Lord) but I may have been standing too far away to get their hit reports. After Qpdaj fell, Combo stepped in and let his pet take the Minotaur Lord down (his earth pet hit for 40hp per whack). After it died, we rolled a magic die to see who got to loot (I won and got a Minotaur Axe).

I think a set of low to mid 20s might be able to take the Minotaur Lord on, but everyone would need to be level 20 or higher to have a shot at it. (Maybe we'll come back in our mid-20s and see if we can't take him again.) All in all, everyone had fun even if we were out of our league and had to stand around waiting for the two higher levels to get to the battle site.

Vorish of Morell-Thule, High Elf Mage lvl 17

posted by Wuphon's Reach at 10:48 AM

EverQuest - Jumped on the way to Steamfont

For those of you who think it's okay to stop and smell the roses in Lesser Faydark (or to go look at the little gnomish buildings just inside the zone boundary), here is a reminder that there are some nasty things in those woods. I was simply on my way from Greater Faydark to the Steamfont mountains, feeling pretty confident, so instead of hugging the wall as usual I was cutting straight across the zone. I was just about the to Steamfont zone entrance when I decided to take a quick look and see the little gnomish outpost by the entrance. Heh, silly mage. I got jumped by Thistle Underbrush (a very high level brownie). Not having my pet out, I immediately high tailed it for the zone border just a few dozen steps away (okay, so I run from anything that's willing to attack me if I don't have a pet cast). I was into the gorge to the zone point (just a few steps away) when I got snared (a spell that keeps you from moving) and Thistle was still beating on me. He hit me for 29 and 52 then snared me twice for 35. Amazingly, I managed to get the gate spell off and I popped back to the orc lift in Greater Faydark. Unfortunately, he had cast a DoT (damage over time) spell on me, so my health continued to drop from 40 percent down to 0. Since I was still snared, I wasn't able to move from my bind point and it made for a very short corpse run.

Vorish of Morell-Thule, High Elf Mage lvl 17

posted by Wuphon's Reach at 10:09 AM