Sunday, October 20, 2002

Nightmares

Hmm... why do my nightmares from the last 2 nights involve my parents? Smothering type nightmares too, it's like I'm reliving the heck I went through trying to move out of my folk's place 12 years ago. Greedy, grasping, hanger-on - all terms I'd use to describe the guilt trip involved that they've tried to lay on me in the past. Crappy stuff like remembering a hug from a person that you really didn't want to be hugged by - because it's obvious that they're not hugging you for your sake, but solely for their sake. Anxiety stuff too, like being in a quiet house - sitting on a couch, afraid to show interest in anything for fear that they'll either take it away, or want to come "share in the experience" with you. (That's a poor translation of the nightmare... but fits into the pattern of not wanting them to know anything about my life because they'll interfere.)

Sorry Virginia, hate to break it to you, but home is not where the heart is. It may be where they have to take you in if you go there, but frankly I'd rather become a vagrant first before going back there.

posted by Wuphon's at 9:36 AM