Friday, January 11, 2002

The Wall Flower Post

(long awaited... well... okay, so it's only been anticipated for a few days)

I made the remark the other day in the guild's officer chat that I considered myself to be a wall flower, but I guess it makes sense to try and define that because everyone sees it as something different. So... where to begin (a.k.a. why do I consider myself to be a wall flower)?

I can't really put my finger on the why, but I've never been part of the "in" crowd or clique growing up. Perhaps it was because my mother dresses me funny (ok, lame joke), or the way I'm wired, or whatever. But I've always been more of "the observer" type... standing just apart and watching and listening. Don't know if that's due to rejection in my early years by fellow classmates, or if it's just something innate (I can still remember social faux paus I made back in kindergarden and pre-school... so it's a long standing issue). Actually, the early social mistakes probably heightened my anxiety (since I would usually blunder, get laughed at, but was never pointed in the proper direction or hardly ever explained why it was a social mistake that I had made), and a lot of social interaction I would find baffling growing up (mostly verbal). But, as a result of all that early anxiety (or maybe this is innate as well), I'm a mind-reader or atmosphere-sniffer... meaning I can walk into a room and sense underlying tension (even if I'm not able to figure out the source or reason).

At a party, I'm likely to hole up with one or two close friends to chat with, rather than being out in the middle telling stories or jokes. I prefer to have someone at my side to make inside jokes with though (or sometimes I'll prompt them quietly about a topic that needs to be discussed or someone that we should say hi to). At work, I'm usually the guy behind the throne, trying not to give orders, keeping an eye on everything and pipelining things that the boss needs to know about back to my boss (usually washed of any source traces). Over the years, I've gotten better and speaking up for myself, and even doing the leader thing a few times without causing my followers to start a revolution against me. But, leadership-wise, I prefer someone else to take the lead (while I give quiet advice and pushes from the back), mainly because I take rejection of my ideas seriously (and sometimes personally, no matter how much I don't let it show).

I even went through a period of social-anxiety (or self-confidence issues) where I hated crowds (e.g. going to the mall) and would go shopping at odd hours just to avoid the feeling that I was being watched and laughed at behind my back (hey... it happened enough in school, why not in public?). After a while this faded (not sure why, I guess I finally stopped caring what total strangers thought of me in a public place).

Which leads me to where I am today... not at all afraid to go it alone (in fact, I'm quite comfortable 90% of the time doing my own solo thing if nobody is around), but willing to get together with friends if the occasion arises. Not as much of a wall flower as I used to be... but still quiet enough in a social setting to qualify as a wall flower (it has to be a really close group of friends for me to do much more than be quiet in the corner).

posted by Wuphon's Reach at 10:12 AM

My blogger code

B3 d+ t k s u-- f i o x e l+ c++ (Find out your blogger code!)

posted by Wuphon's Reach at 9:19 AM

Thursday, January 10, 2002

Why so slow posting lately?

Err... hmm... let's see...

- Been talking with my real estate agent about buying a house....

- Been looking for houses...

- Been talking to my insurance agent about disability insurance, and general retirement discussion...

- Decided to wait a month to look for houses...

- Been busy with work...

- Been working on my taxes for 2000... (ugh... but I should get money back... yay!)

- Have had nothing interesting to blog about (well... sorta... just been too busy... *sticks tongue out at Felweniel*)

posted by Wuphon's Reach at 3:38 PM

Tuesday, January 08, 2002

Internet Sleuthing Resources

Internet Sleuthing Resources

WhoIs?
Network Solutions
APNIC (Asia)
ARIN (USA)
RIPE (Europe)

Network Tools
Network Tools (Ping, Trace Route, IP Address to Domain Name, Domain Name to IP address, WHOIS, HTTP Headers, etc.)
Netcraft (Web Server Lookup)

posted by Wuphon's Reach at 2:24 PM